Back to Life
by melissa341
Summary: Alexis and Ric. I haven't finished this story and I'm not sure when I will.
1. Chapter 1

I wrote this in March 2007. It's a Rexis fic that I didn't complete. I don't know if I'll ever finish it, but I want to. I have tons of other fics that I have to finish first.

**Back to Life**

Chapter One

"My life is spiraling out of control. I've lost my daughter, my brother, my step-daughter, my career, and the love of my life." He let out a small noise as he smiled quickly and shook his head. The therapist across from him grew curious at the action. He continued, "I used to think Elizabeth was the love of my life, and then I met -- her. She was," he corrected quickly, "IS the strongest woman I've ever met. That made her unattainable for me. I was married to her, she loved me, but I never felt good enough. She never belittled me, it wasn't her. It was me. It was my childhood following me, screaming at me that I'd never be good enough, not for this woman. I realized that too late. I did the unthinkable and sent my life to hell. The thing is," he looked to Dr. Winters with the tears now softly falling, "I can't seem to correct it. I can't find the opportunity to tell her, that she's the best thing that has ever happened to me. She's one of God's greatest creations, and she doesn't know it. Her whole life," Ric stopped and looked down to his finger that was fiddling with his wedding ring, "her whole life has been painful, excruciatingly so, and I did the worst possible thing to her at the worst possible time. I'm lost without her; I'm lost without Molly and Kristina. It's taken me this long to realize that they are the reason that I'm alive. Those three girls are the only people in the world that I need, and I'll never have them again."

Lainey watched as he broke down. She knew Alexis Davis. She knew that she was a strong, independent woman -- a wonderful mother -- but she had never heard someone described this way before. The man before her needed help, but she couldn't do it alone. She needed this unattainable woman he spoke of to break this thing in him -- to bring him back to life.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two

"You have to talk to her," Lainey ordered, closing their session.

"That's impossible. Someone is always there – Sam, Sonny, Jax …"

"Then call her, Ric, on the phone. Set up a time when you can stop by. You need to explain things to her. You need to tell her everything that you just told me."

Ric continued to look down sadly.

"You don't think she'll accept?"

"She's tired, she's weak …"

"All the more reason, Ric. She needs to know that you're there to help. You want to help her right?"

"I do. I want to be there with her through this. I want …"

"Then go," Lainey interrupted.

"I can't."

"Then this is your fault entirely. If you don't try, you can't blame anyone but yourself. I'll see you next week." Lainey stood to usher him out of her office. She was frustrated beyond belief. Her patients never took her advice.

Ric walked out, even more depressed than when he walked in. Lainey was right. All he had to do was call and set up an 'appointment' with her. He was tired of the fights. He was tired of going to the lake house to talk…to see her, and Sam being there to start a fight…or Sonny there telling him to leave. He needed to talk to her alone…

--

Alexis lay on the couch covered in three blankets. Her first day alone. She slept peacefully until she was woken by her stomach. It never let her sleep. As quickly as she could, she got up and made it to the bathroom … just in time. After hugging the toilet for ten minutes, she stood and washed her hands and face, staring at herself in the mirror as she slowly dabbed her face with the towel. She thought of Nikolas, Sam, Kristina, and Molly. They were the only reasons that she made it through every day. They were the reasons that she didn't give up…yet. She couldn't take much more of this by herself. Sure, she had her children, Nikolas included, but they had lives of their own. Kristina and Molly were too young to take care of her. She shut her eyes and thought about last week in court as the judge ruled in her favor to keep Molly. She proved, representing herself, that Molly deserved to stay with her … with her sister. She knew that she was weak, that Viola kept the girls, but she would die before Molly was ripped away from Kristina. Ric knew this, yet he still pursued it. Ric. Alexis found a place on the hard bathroom floor to sit. She leaned against the cabinet. Ric. Tears fell down her cheeks as she remembered him. Standing by her side while Kristina was sick, the cabin at Christmas, New Year's Eve when he took her out, not able to tear himself away from her while Faith had Kristina, making love that first time after they found out she was pregnant … he was so …

_Knock … knock …_

Alexis opened her eyes at the loud banging and breathed in. Would she never get a day by herself? She stood slowly and walked to the door, the banging continuing.

"Alexis!! I'm about to break the door down!!" Yelled Sonny from the other side. She rolled her eyes and opened the door.

"I'd like to see that." She smiled.

"I would've done it if you took a minute longer. Where were you?"

"Correction, you would have had one of your men do it." She looked to Max and Milo standing in form behind him, "At ease boys." She focused her attention back to Sonny, "I was in the bathroom, getting better acquainted with my toilet …"

"Okay, I get it. You alright?" Sonny seemed genuinely concerned, as he had been acting since he found out.

"I have cancer. No, I'm not so 'alright'."

"Do you need anything?"

"Just a day to myself, what do you want?" She turned and headed back to the couch.

"I haven't seen you since court last week …" he followed her, helped her pull the covers up to her chin, and then took the seat in the chair across from the couch. "I wanted to talk about this arrangement you made with Ric."

"It's none of your business."

"You got sole custody, Alexis … you turned it down."

"And?"

"Why?"

"Because he's her father," she stated simply as her eyes closed.

"He's insane."

"No, he's not."

"He's been working with Alcazar."

"You've been working against Alcazar. Which is more dangerous?" She looked him square in the eyes and challenged him to answer.

"But …"

"No, Sonny. No! Look. I've accepted that your life is dangerous. You still see Kristina whenever you want, so should he."

"He slept with your daughter ..."

"And you didn't?"

Sonny rolled his eyes, "That's different."

"Right. It is different, but both don't matter anymore … and Ric doesn't concern you, Sonny. You keep saying that he's not your real brother … that Jason is … then leave him be, Sonny. Stop agitating him … stop talking to him … stop showing up in his life when …"

Perfect timing … a knock on the door … a key … Ric.

He looked around the door at them. His face fell. Why did he not think that Sonny would be here? He stood tall and stared at her.

"Alexis?"

"Hey, Molly's at Wyndemere … was today your day to …"

"No … I uh …" he looked to Sonny, who was glaring in his direction, then focused back on her, "I was hoping to talk to you."

"I'm all talked out. Sonny …" Alexis looked to Sonny, hoping he'd get the hint to leave as well. He didn't. He looked to Ric.

"Leave, Ric," he ordered.

"Jesus, Sonny!!" Alexis yelled. Sonny's head snapped back to her. He stared. He still didn't get it, "Ric, would you kindly inform him." She looked to the man standing in the doorway.

"She wants us both to leave. She wants to be alone." Ric continued to stare at her.

Sonny spoke up, "I'm not leaving you alone with him."

Ric rolled his eyes and turned his attention to Sonny, "I'm leaving too, asshole."

"Ric!" Alexis yelled.

"Sorry." Ric felt like a five-year-old.

As she looked up to Ric, she saw something. Defeat? Sadness? "Ric, what did you need again?"

"I just want to talk. You and me. I called you about fifteen minutes ago."

"I was in the bathroom."

He nodded and stepped toward her.

Alexis looked to Sonny, "Sonny, I need to talk to Ric."

"No." He shook his head stubbornly. Ric opened his mouth to protest, but Alexis beat him to it.

She threw off the blankets and stood over him, "Go."

Ric moved around the couch and kept his smile hidden. He loved it when Natasha surfaced … only he was used to being on the receiving end of her.

Sonny stood, "I'm just looking out for you."

"I'm fine, Sonny. Please, I need to talk to my hu…to Ric."

Sonny's eyes widened at her near mistake, but he didn't say another word until he reached the door, "I'll be back in fifteen minutes."

"No … you won't! You'll be back tomorrow to pick up Kristina for the weekend. Sonny, stop this. Go home to your wife." He left. 'Your wife'. As if Carly was his wife in any way. He married her to keep her away from Jax. He professed his love to her, had sex with her, but she was far from his wife. He sulked in his limo on the way home and thought about Carly and Alexis. He married the wrong one.

"Ric, I don't want to argue. I don't have it in me."

"I don't want to either. Alexis, do you need anything?"

"It's not a good time to be sweet." She returned to her warm couch and blankets. He walked around and took the seat that his brother once occupied.

"I'm always sweet."

"Ha!"

Ric smiled as he gazed in her direction, "I used to be sweet."

Without thinking, she responded, "You used to be more than sweet, you were amazingly …" she stopped herself and looked to him.

"I'm sorry," he professed.

Their eyes connected. No words were needed.

After a moment, she closed her eyes and settled more into the couch. He could watch her for hours.

"I wanted to thank you for allowing me to see Molly."

"She's your daughter."

"But I …"

"Ric," she stopped him, "I really meant it when I said that I couldn't do this now."

"I'm not arguing with you … I'm saying that …"

"Ric!" She yelled, "Stop!"

"What!?" He returned.

"I can't deal with you … like this … right now!!"

"Like what?"

"Like how you were before!"


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter Three

"I can't deal with you … like this … right now!!"

"Like what?"

"Like how you were before!" She shut her eyes tightly and hugged the pillow to her chest, trying with all her might to fall asleep. Four weeks ago, she'd be afraid to fall asleep in the house alone with Ric. The way he'd been acting … he wasn't himself.

He watched her settle into sleep. Her words rang in his ears. They bounced around in his head as he watched her breathe. 'Like how you were before'. Before Sam. Before Sonny. She knew him. She knew that who he was now wasn't who he was inside. She knew that his demons had taken over. She knew that he needed help, which is why she put the stipulation in the custody arrangement. Therapy. Every week…or he wouldn't be able to have unlimited visitation. She trusted him with Molly, but she didn't trust him with himself. When the judge ordered the arrangement, him forced to therapy at least once a week, he wasn't surprised. He'd been avoiding it. It proved to him that he was right about her. She had been the only one, through everything, to care for him. To care for his well-being, even when he was fighting to take Molly away from her.

He stood from the chair and leaned over to her, gently wrapping his arms under her frail body. He knew she'd taken the couch so that she could hear if anyone came to the door, but she needed to sleep soundly for once, and he would let her. He lifted her in his arms and felt like weeping when she nuzzled comfortably against his neck, breathing in his scent unconsciously. He missed her. She missed him.

He walked as slowly as possible to the hallway, not wanting yet to let her go … to let this go. She made a noise against his neck and he was worried that she'd wake. Walking through the doorway of their room…her room, he heard his name whispered from her lips as she brought her arm around the back of his neck to bring him closer. He stood still, holding her close. He felt her tears drop onto him and let his fall. She held on tightly, knowing that this might be the only time she'd see 'this' man again. She released his neck as he laid her gently on the bed, standing to wipe his tears. She looked up to him and marveled at the life and love in his eyes.

"Where have you been?" She questioned simply. He knew that he didn't have the answer to that. She did as well. He shook his head and shrugged his shoulder in defeat.

She pulled the cover up to her and settled back onto the pillow, watching him turn to the door. She panicked. As he reached for the doorknob, she gave up the will to let him leave.

"Ric?"

He looked back to her helplessly.

"Stay with me."

His heart jumped into his throat. She wanted him to stay. She wanted him to lay with her. She wanted him.

He nodded and shut the door, walking silently to his side of the bed, not taking his eyes from hers.

He kicked off his shoes and crawled under the blanket, expecting awkwardness once he settled in, but her arms were around him before he was completely under the covers. Her head against his neck as she'd always slept before. She was asleep before he could wrap his arms around her. He lay there wrapped up in her for an hour, promising her silently that he would change…be the man she wanted him to be again…he'd get back to being the man she needed. His whispered words next to her ear soothed her into dreams that she'd not had for months. Dreams of him. Dreams of their life before … of what their life could have been. For the first time since diagnosed with lung cancer, she dreamed of happiness. She dreamed of hope. She dreamed next to him.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter Four

His hand lazily moved in small circles on her back. He loved to listen to her breathe as she slept. That was probably the one thing he missed most about their mornings. He was used to waking up before her every morning. It was her fault that he stopped running. His internal clock woke him up usually thirty minutes before he was suppose to, and he'd lay there, her wrapped around him, listening to her breathe. He skipped his morning runs most days just to marvel in the way she sounded and looked as she slept. No matter how much they argued…no matter how many times she had refused to touch him before sleep, during the night, somehow, she'd always find her way to him. He would speed the process along most nights, waiting until her breathing told him she had fallen asleep, then touching her. Unconsciously, she'd turn over and snuggle close. Then, and only then, could he sleep.

As he lay there with her, he noticed how much weight she had lost. She was fit before, beautifully so, but now, she was just…skin and bones. He felt her rib cage, her back…he looked down to her face and wanted to cry. He'd missed all of this. He'd missed being her husband through this. How could he be so stupid?

"I love you so much," he whispered once again to her as he drifted off.

She heard him. She'd perfected her breathing. He didn't know that she'd usually always pretend to be asleep until he finally fell. He loved her. Then why did he fck her daughter? Why did he try to take Molly? 'No', she scolded herself, 'not now…enjoy the moment'. She leaned further into him and for the first time in a long while, she felt that spark in her stomach…that feeling that she had whenever she was close to him…she wanted to make love to him, and she was sure that he'd allow it…she was sure that he wanted it, but could it be done? Could she forgive him? She'd forgiven Sam…of course…she was her daughter, but could she forgive this man…the love of her life, her equal, for betraying her?

She didn't dare respond to his confession, but she moved her head on his chest, as if to tell him that she knew. She believed him. She felt the same.

Had enough time past? Was he really different? She drifted off, exhausted from thinking too much about this. Her mind was always the thing that got her into trouble. She wished that she could just shut it off and give her heart away completely to him again, but she didn't have much left to give. It had been completely torn to pieces and handed right back to her. She stopped thinking and just felt him. He was so strong. He was so solid and comfortable and sexy and just…Ric. Her Ric. She missed her Ric.

--

"OH…MY…GOD!" Sam spoke, yelling in a whisper if that was possible. She stood in the doorway to her mother's bedroom and gaped at the bed. There was Alexis, covered and sleeping soundly next to her husband. That sentence normally wouldn't be odd at all, but it was Ric. Sam fumed.

"Hey!!"

Ric's eyes shot open and found Sam's form in the darkness. He wanted to curse. He wanted to get up and slap her…Alexis was sleeping for God's sake! He shot her a look. She received it and shot the same back to him. Alexis stirred.

Sam opened her mouth to say something, but Ric held up his hand, finally shooing her away. Sam took the hint and stormed out. She took a seat on the living room couch and folded her arms, waiting for Ric to emerge.

He breathed in a sigh of frustration. His perfect moment ruined. His perfect time alone with Alexis…ruined once again…by Sam.

He gently glided beneath Alexis to free himself from her arms. He felt a small flutter of hope and happiness as he heard her sigh from losing him. She quickly settled in and he smiled. At least she could still sleep through anything. He pulled the covers up and walked around the bed, to get better access to her cheek. He leaned in, careful not to move the mattress any, and kissed her cheek. He lingered for a moment, hoping that she'd reach up and pull him to her lips, but much to his disappointment, she was definitely asleep. He walked out of the room, looking back once more to her.

"One day this'll be my room again," he whispered, then shut the door behind him.

Alexis' eyes opened slightly at the sound of the door closing and she let the tears fall. She'd wanted that more than anything. Why didn't she pull him closer to her as he kissed her?

--

"What the hell are you doing here, Ric?!" Sam yelled.

"Listen, she's sleeping … she can still hear you."

"I don't really care …"

"Oh, that's nice …" he interrupted her.

"Shut up." She interrupted right back, "Once again, what the hell are you doing here and why were you in bed with my mother!?"

"Do you realize that you only call her 'your mother' when you're yelling at me? Huh, Sam? I never hear you call her 'Mom'. I bet you don't even call her that when you're talking about her with Jason …"

"What are you rambling about?"

"You don't love her."

Sam's eyes widened and she gave him a disgusted look, "And you do?"

"I can't believe you."

"What!?"

"You didn't deny it. I said 'You don't love her', and you didn't deny it."

Sam looked away, then quickly back to him, not showing him her feelings.

"You don't deserve her."

"Once again … and you do?"

"To answer the first … yes, I love her. I've always loved her. I always WILL love her, and no amount of YOU can deter that! Do I deserve her?" Ric turned and walked around the couch, "No, but no one does. No man will ever be good enough for her because she's perfect."

"She's far from perfect … she'll admit to that."

"Of course she will, because she's perfect."

"Okay, you know what … this is completely ridiculous … go ahead and leave."

Ric just looked at her.

"Come on … go!!"

"You … have … some nerve."

"Whatever, she forgave me. She wants me here. Did she forgive you, Ric? Did she say the words? Huh? Or did she just use you because she needed to be held? You know, Sonny and Jax are over here to hold her every other day. You're not so special …"

Ric didn't believe her. Well, a part of him did. The part of him that was screaming out to slap her. He couldn't do that. Alexis would never forgive that.

"She forgave me, Ric. She'll never forgive you."

Alexis walked around the corner of the hallway unnoticed to Sam. Ric looked in her direction, then back to Sam.

Sam repeated, "She'll never forgive you, Ric … and I'll make damn sure of it."

"Excuse me?" Alexis said, shocked as the words escaped her daughter's lips.

Sam spun around and looked Alexis square in the eyes. She was caught.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter Five

"She'll never forgive you, Ric … and I'll make damn sure of it."

"Excuse me?" Alexis said, shocked as the words escaped her daughter's lips.

Sam spun around and looked Alexis square in the eyes. She was caught.

Ric stifled the grin, 'Finally!' went through his mind.

Sam started to backtrack, "I'm sorry I woke you … he's just …"

"No," Alexis interrupted, walking up to Sam, "No, keep going. You'll make damn sure that I'll never forgive him. How exactly, Sam?"

"I didn't mean it that way … I …"

"Oh … you didn't? What did you mean then?" Alexis stood firm, towering over her daughter, "Enlighten us." She looked to Ric, who stood uncomfortable to the side.

"I … I didn't mean … I mean … what I meant was …"

"No! NO GOD DAMNIT!" Alexis screamed. Even Ric jumped, "Don't give me any more sh, young lady! You know what … no, I'm not going to go there. Right now, I'm not thinking of you as my daughter. I'm thinking of you as the woman who hated me for years … count them … YEARS … because things happened in my life that were happy and fortunate while your life was heartrending and awful!! I'm sorry that those things happened to you Sam, but I'll be DAMNED if you live in my house … if you visit my girls, and still feel this way. I will NOT allow you to poison them into hating me. You tell me that you're sorry, but then … what was that you said that's been ringing in my ears ever since? You said that you never meant to hurt me. That's derisory and pathetic!!" Alexis noticed the blank look on Sam's face, "Oh, derisory … that means pitiful … mean, contemptible, laughable, you little ungrateful ..." Alexis couldn't say the word that not so long ago her daughter called her … bitch. She wanted to, but she had too much class. She continued, "Yeah…I said it. Pathetic. You can call me these things. You can say that I'm a bitch in my own house. You can say that I've called you these things, but I haven't until now. You know now that I think you're pathetic. Go tell the world, Sam. You're mother is a horrible woman who's only cared about your safety since the beginning. Yet you do this … you break up my marriage. You sleep with the man who I loved more than the world, and yet … look at you … you have it all. You have your precious Jason … you have your precious mob life again, and you leave me here in the ruins … and I should be grateful that YOU apologized? I should be grateful that you turned out smelling like a rose and him …" Alexis looked to Ric, "He …" she couldn't continue. Ric took a step toward her. She looked faint.

Alexis sat on the couch, but continued, "He made this mistake, too. He didn't apologize. He showed no remorse until now, but it's real." She focused on his eyes, "I know that it's real," she said softly, and then returned her attention to Sam as the words sputtered forth …

"After everything, you would treat me this way … you would choose him …" Sam yelled.

Alexis stood once more, feeling more energy emerge from somewhere within, "I've had enough of your infantile behavior!! Sam … get out. Stop this 'poor me' routine. I don't feel sorry for you one bit. I feel sorry for me. I feel sorry for Ric, who has lost countless nights with his daughters. I feel sorry for your future if you keep heading in this direction … because it will not include me, Kristina, and Molly. Sam, get out. You've not only lost the mother that you might have always wanted, but you've lost the family that could have loved you … that did love you. Get out of my house and don't come back until you grow a spine … a brain of your own … a heart. Go …" Alexis collapsed slowly back onto the couch. Sam flew past Ric and out the door, muttering something inaudible. Ric quickly joined Alexis' side.

He looked to her as her eyes remained closed.

"Ric?" She whispered.

He took her hand.

"I need …" her breathing increased. She couldn't catch it, "hospital …"

Ric leapt into action as he swept her up into his arms. She passed out. He rushed to the car, not locking the door behind him. He laid her in the back seat carefully and ran to the driver's side.

Driving to the hospital seemed to take forever. He had never hated anyone as much as he hated Sam in his entire life. As he turned to look at her every twenty seconds, his heart broke a little more, but she was breathing...

"You can't leave me now, baby. You can't do this. Wake up, Alexis. Please. Molly and Kristina need you. Alexis? Baby? I love you." He returned his eyes to the road and let the tears fall, "I love you," he whispered once more.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter Six

Ric raked his fingers through his hair. He was forced to stay in the waiting room…forced to wait…and wait…and wait. He noticed Monica walking around…and Emily…even Liz, but he refrained from bothering them. They would come tell him if there was anything wrong. 'She just overexerted herself…there's no problem…she's Alexis!' he kept telling himself. 'She's Alexis.'

Monica kept her eye on Ric. She didn't know him very well, but he was the DA…he was technically Alexis' husband…he was the one who rushed her in, carrying her in his arms, crying…but Monica also knew that he slept with Sam…that he had previously had dealings with Lorenzo Alcazar…that he kidnapped Carly. He had faults…just like her…just like…she looked down to her paperwork and wanted to weep…Alan. For some reason, when she looked at Ric Lansing, she saw Alan. Maybe because she saw herself when she looked at Alexis.

"Dr. Quartermaine?" Epiphany brought her back to the present.

"Yes, Epiphany?"

"Here's Mrs. Lansing's chart. I think the D.A. might want to know…"

"I have it…thank you." Monica released the chart from Epiphany's possession and headed over to the waiting room. Ric stood up immediately and greeted her.

"Dr. Quartermaine."

"Hi, D.A. Lansing…"

"Ric …" he corrected.

Monica smiled, "Ric…Alexis is going to be fine. She was dehydrated and her heart rate and blood pressure were sky high. May I ask what happened?"

Ric shifted uncomfortably. He didn't want to let it be known that Alexis and Sam had a fight. This was Sam's fiancé's mother after all. He looked down and wanted to laugh at himself for the words that followed, but he looked at her with a straight face.

"We were uh…making love. I hope that…"

"No…D.A.…oh, sorry, Ric…no, that's okay…I was just making sure…"

"She's fine though? She's going to be okay?"

"She's going to be…well…back to how she was. Ric, she's going through her last rounds of chemo. She seems stronger, much stronger actually, and her body has been responding as hoped, but this still…"

"Takes a lot out of her…I know. When can I go in? When can I see her?"

"We're going to have her stay overnight, just procedure…to make sure…do you need to get home to the kids?"

"No, her nephew…well," Ric smiled at his forgetfulness, "you're daughter's boyfriend, Nikolas, they're going to keep the girls for the night."

Monica smiled, and then jumped at the sound of the voice directly behind her.

"What the HELL did you do to her RIC?!" Sonny boomed as he walked up behind Monica.

--

"Well, hi there."

"Monica?" Alexis managed as she shifted in the bed.

"Yes, it's me. How are you feeling? Groggy?"

"Mmm hmm…where's Ric?"

Monica smiled as she noted a few things on Alexis' chart, "He's outside, waiting for me to give the okay for him to come see you."

"May he come in?"

"Yes, but no horse playing around in here if you know what I mean."

Alexis shot a very confused look her way, "Horse playing?"

"Ric told me what led you here; I was making an inappropriate joke. I apologize," Monica replied, embarrassed.

"Monica, what did he tell you?" Her curiosity at its peak.

"That you two…" she made a little gesture with her hands, "you know."

"Oh my God! Oh my God!" Alexis burst out in a fit of laughter and giggles.

"It's okay, I won't say anyth…"

"No, no…no, Monica…he lied." Alexis calmed a bit and smiled up to her doctor, "Although I wish to God that's what led me here…it wasn't. I was arguing with my daughter…yelling at her actually…she was…I didn't…"

Monica, surprised at first that Alexis was sharing so openly with her, took a seat by her side.

"Things happen…you know this, I over-did it. I stepped over a line with her now, and I can't get it back…"

"Alexis, this might be improper and out of place, but I know what Ric and Sam did."

Alexis grew even more uncomfortable.

"I heard it through…well, I think Alan told me. We're Quartermaine's…it's our jobs to know everything about everyone in this town. Anyway, that's why I've been looking over your chart after every visit you have. Because I know what happened, I'm looking for certain things…things like this…your blood pressure…your heart, Alexis, do you remember almost two years ago when I told you about your heart murmur?"

Alexis nodded, having honestly forgotten.

"It's still an issue for you."

"Monica…my husband and my daughter…" she looked away.

"You'll never get over that, but listen, neither will they. This will haunt them forever, maybe even longer than it haunts you. Alexis, I'm not defending them. I don't even know your husband that well, and Sam…well, yes, she's dating my son, but I just can't…I guess…trust, a person who so willingly allows violence and danger into their lives. I'm not defending them, and I'm no psychiatrist, but I've been through this hell called infidelity…I've been cheated on and I've cheated, and I can honestly say that I haven't forgotten any of it. I used to look at Alan sometimes and just think…what if? What if I'd left him? What if he'd left me…for good? Then before he died, I realized…" Monica let out a silent laugh, "…yeah, what if?"

Alexis understood, "I forgave Sam, then she just…she betrayed me again."

"She's your daughter, though."

"I know…and sometimes, Monica…I hate that fact." Alexis began to cry, "I sometimes hate the fact that she is my daughter. How the hell am I supposed to justify that? How am I supposed to be a good mother…and hate that?"

"You don't hate her."

"I don't like her…at all."

"You love her."

Alexis looked down to the bed sheet scrunched tightly in her hand, "I love her," she repeated.

"That's all there is. Alexis, you can be mad at her. You can hate the fact that she hates you…if she even does…"

"She does."

"Well…I'm familiar with that as well, and believe me, it's not pretty."

The women turned when they heard a knock at the door. Ric peered around the door, feeling guilty for interrupting, and a little afraid of getting lectured about not waiting for Monica to let him in, but when she ordered Sonny out of the hospital, she told him to give her ten minutes. It had been an excruciatingly long fifteen.

"Well…I see patience isn't one of your virtues D.A. Ric." Monica stood and squeezed Alexis' hand, walking past Ric, throwing him a dazzling smirk.

Ric blushed and responded before she walked out, "Not when it comes to her it isn't…" he caught Alexis' gaze and smiled shyly. Even here in this hospital bed…no makeup…wig a mess…she took his breath away.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter Seven

"How are you feeling?" He pulled the chair to her side.

"Tired. All that sex we had …" her response faded as she smiled.

"I'm sorry." Ric returned her smile.

"You wore me out, Ric."

"Okay, okay…you can stop now."

Alexis looked at him seriously, "Ric. You don't have to stay here, I'm fine."

"I want to be here," he blurted out.

Alexis didn't know how to feel…so she expressed that, "I don't know how to feel about this, Ric."

"About what?" He knew…but he still asked.

"You…and the complete 180 you've turned. Two weeks ago…"

"Two weeks ago was a lifetime ago. I was messed up, Alexis. I didn't know what I wanted.'

"… and what's that?"

"You."

"Me?" She questioned slowly.

He nodded, "You, and our family. I want to come back. Alexis, I want to…'

"Stop." She looked away.

"No, Alexis, I need to tell you…"

"Ric." She looked to him with frustration and a bit of anger, "You can't just waltz back in to our lives after what you've done. What's going to happen in a year when you get sick of me again?"

"That will never happen!"

"It did already! What's going to happen when I finally get rid of this cancer and go back to work? I won't have as much time with you…it'll be like it was before…before…"

"Before I slept with her."

Alexis then looked away, "I was working a lot. I threw myself into my work because I was sick."

"Alexis," he took her hand in his, "If we do this. If you let me back in…I'll be the man that I'm supposed to be. I'll be what you need. I'll…"

"Ric…you were what I needed, and look what happened…"

He looked down to their hands, "Please, Alexis…" he begged.

Her eyes met his and they remained there for a moment. No words were needed. He saw that she had given up. He saw finally what he did to her. He broke her heart. He broke her faith, what little she had to begin with, in love.

"Can you ever forgive me?" He pleaded.

She took her hand from his, "It's not about forgiveness, Ric."

"Yes it is. If you forgive me…if you try…"

"Why do I always have to be the one to try? Why the hell…"

"That's not what I meant, Alexis!!" He was worried that she was getting too worked up. His voice calmed, "That's not what I meant. I wasn't saying that you had to try and deal with this if we get back together. I wasn't saying that you have to accept anything…I have to change. I have to prove myself to you…I have to prove how much I love you again."

"How much do you love me?" Alexis felt the tears coming. She didn't know why she asked such a question, but she honestly wanted someone to love her. She wanted to hear that someone needed her.

Ric stood from his chair and sat next to her on the bed, needing to be closer, "Alexis, I love you more than any man has ever or will ever love any woman. I love you more…than I've ever loved anything. Alexis, without you, love doesn't exist." He leaned in closer. He made sure that he had her eyes connected with his. He brought his hand up to push a loose strand from her wig back behind her ear, "I love you." His finger traced the outline of her jaw and stopped under her chin, "I love you," he whispered as his finger traced over her lips. He saw her eyes close and he did the same, keeping his finger on her lips, "I love you," he whispered once more as he replaced his finger with his lips.

For a moment, they stilled…lips simply just touching, but not moving, hands frozen in place...eyes closed…feeling each other. She moved first. Her hand snaked behind his neck as she pulled him into her. He pressed his lips to hers and his tongue ran over her bottom lip for permission to enter. Permission granted as her tongue met his. He leaned her back gently into the bed as he maneuvered himself to lie beside her, not once breaking their kiss.

His arm behind her, hers around his neck, his other hand holding her face to his, her other hand pulling him even closer in to her. Her body was feeling things finally that it hadn't felt in months.

The intensity of their kiss increased with every passing second. His hands feeling her small form as she pulled him as close as she could. Her hand moved into his hair and she moaned into his mouth as she felt him against her. Her mind finally started working. She didn't want to do this and not be able to finish it. She didn't want to tease him.

Her hand pushed his chest back as he sighed, breaking the kiss, looking at her with more lust than she'd remembered him ever having for her.

"Ric…" she breathed out heavily, meeting his gaze with about as much lust.

He wouldn't allow her to push him away. He whispered, "I want you. Alexis…"

She shook her head and kept her hand firm on his chest, "Ric…"

He leaned in and kissed her neck, hearing her soft inhale as her eyes closed, "I love you."

"Ric…" she tried with all her might to open her eyes.

"I love you," he responded.

He continued to kiss her neck up to her ear, knowing what drove her crazy, "I love you." He stopped and placed his lips closer to her ear, "Let me make love to you." He didn't wait for a response as he continued back the same path down her neck.

She was completely gone. Completely lost. He won. He had her. There was no way for her to stop him now. She whimpered softly at almost each kiss he placed on her neck, reaching lower down her body. There was no way she would stop him now…but someone else could.

The door swung open and Jax entered, standing bewildered at the sight in front of him. The two looked surprised over to him. Alexis blushed immediately. Ric sat up and looked defeated.

Always someone. Always…someone.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter Eight

The silence in the room was driving him crazy. He looked from Jax to Alexis four times, then he stood uncomfortably and shoved his hands in his pockets, for one, to resist the urge to punch Jax for walking in when he was finally gaining headway with his wife, and the second reason, he had to try and reverse the effect that Alexis had on his…

"I'm…" Jax stumbled, "I'm sorry…" he looked to Alexis only with great confusion. "May I have a word with you, Alexis?" He didn't look to Ric. He didn't want to.

Ric stood still, waiting for Alexis to comply with Jax and force him to leave. He prayed that she wouldn't. Prayer unanswered. He looked down to Alexis and saw as she looked back to him that she did want him to go. He felt upset, he felt unwanted, he felt like he needed a cold shower. Passing Jax on the way out, Ric thought that he heard the word 'asshole' whispered in a mumble from his lips. He decided not to pursue it. He didn't want to give Alexis a reason to take back what just happened here. He closed the door and took a seat in the waiting room, waiting to see Jax exit.

Alexis turned her eyes down to her fingers, which slid the cotton blanket between them, fidgeting, as Jax's eyes burned through her. He didn't look angry exactly. It was more like a cross between disgusted, confused, and disappointed.

"Alexis."

"Don't…Jax…" she moved her eyes to come into contact with his, "Just don't…"

"What do you mean 'don't'? Don't question what the hell I just walked in on…or your sanity? Don't ask you what the hell you are thinking?" His voice became louder as he spoke. He stepped toward her, "Don't wonder where the hell you are anymore?! Don't…"

Alexis had enough, so she yelled, "Yeah, JAX!! DON'T!! To all of the above…DON'T! You have no right!!"

Jax became angrier and defended his thoughts, "I have no rights?? ME??" His voice became a scream with the last word.

Alexis fumed, "Bring it down a notch."

Jax stared at this woman who he was supposed to know. He looked into her eyes…searching for some sign of…something…resembling the Alexis Davis he knew and loved.

"What's wrong with you?"

Alexis flew out of the bed and threw the covers back. She stood firm and countered. "Excuse me?! What's wrong with ME?? You walked in on me kissing my HUSBAND…and you…"

"Oh…that's right," Jax started sarcastically, "Your _husband_…right? He couldn't though, be the husband that screwed you over and arrested you for smoking marijuana…no…he couldn't be the husband that screwed your daughter?! No. He couldn't be…"

"Stop it."

"He couldn't be the husband that cheated on you twice and treated you like…"

"Stop it," she ordered once more in a voice that was calm and alien to even her.

Jax wouldn't stop, "…complete sht! He couldn't…"

"JASPER JACKS…IF you don't STOP right now…you're going to regret EVER coming to visit me today…and you'll NEVER step within ten feet of me AGAIN!"

He stopped.

She breathed.

His eyes closed as he shook his head slowly in disappointment.

She exhaled, "Now…Jax…do you want to sit down and discuss this like adults? Or would you like to continue with your little tantrum?"

His eyes opened.

She inhaled once more…holding her breath for his response.

He sat on the edge of the bed, facing away from her. After a short moment, she crawled back into the bed and pulled the covers up over her now cold body.

They sat in silence for what seemed to Alexis like hours. He wore the same expression on his face as he stared at the point where the wall met the floor before him.

"Jax…" she was the first to speak.

"I'm sorry."

Alexis looked down.

He looked to her, "I'm sorry…I just…I lost it. I don't want you…" he turned away, "I don't want you getting hurt again."

He met her eyes with his and smiled sadly, "Alexis," he turned his body to face her and scooted a little closer, "I know that this might sound…a little odd, coming from an ex-husband, but…" he took her hand in his, "I think of you as a little sister…or well…and older sister." He smiled at Alexis' reaction, "Okay, a little sister…and I'm just…being protective. I don't want you to…"

"Jax," she interrupted, not really needing to hear the rest, "I won't break. Everything I've been through in my life should show you that." She went on, "Do you really think that…" her head shook…she honestly didn't know what to say, "Ric's not this monster that everyone makes him out to be…he's…"

"If you say 'misunderstood', I'll have to question your sanity for real."

Alexis rolled her eyes and released her hand from his, bringing of her hands to cover her face. She lightly pressed two fingertips to each eye to release some tension, "You don't know him, Jax…" she dropped her hands to her lap, "You don't know him."

"I know that he slept with your daughter."

"Who HASN'T, Jax?!" She immediately added, "I'm sorry. That was wrong of me. Look," she was becoming very sick of this conversation, "I'm not going to break. I've been hurt before, Jax. Every man in fact, that I've ever come close to, hurts me in one way or another. Granted, Ric hurt me the worst. What he did…" she shook her head, banishing the images once more from her mind of that night. "…was repulsive and…just…wrong, Jax, but it's not like it's the first time I've been completely left broken hearted."

"He slept…with…your…daughter…Alexis."

Now she was angry, "So….WHAT!! Jax!! Carly slept with Sonny!! Just what?? A month ago?!"

His face revealed his confusion immediately, "What does that have to do with anything?"

"Carly has two children with Sonny. Carly will be in his life forever. Carly was/is…in love with Sonny. Ric was never in love, nor will he ever be, in love, with Sam."

Jax sat silently. Good point.

"You forgave her, Jax…because you're loving and wonderful and…just…you. Why is it so God da-- inconceivable that I forgive my husband??" She wanted this over, "Look, I don't need you, or Sonny, or Nikolas, or anyone telling me that I shouldn't forgive Ric. That I shouldn't be with Ric. God, Jax, you saw me kissing him. That doesn't mean that we're back together. All that was…was me needed something. I needed…someone to make me feel…wanted, Jax. I never told you that he and I were getting back together…and I honestly don't know if I want that, but you have to stop this. All of you do. You have to stop hating him for the mistakes that he's made. I don't see anyone bringing up what you did to MY NEPHEW!! I don't see anyone bringing up how Carly…how Sonny…" she didn't continue. She made her case.

"Jax, I'm tired. I'm tired of being this woman that everyone assumes I am. I'm sick of everyone thinking that I want and choose to live without love in my life. I need love, too, Jax, as silly and inane as that sounds…I need someone…and I think, Jax…I think he's the one. He knows what he did was wrong…and you know what…this…THIS is something that you don't even need to worry with. You go on about your business with Carly and Sonny. You live in your little fantasy world where Carly won't ever love Sonny…where she will eventually come to her senses and choose you over him…and just leave me be. Let me live in the real world where there are far more important problems to deal with…like having a daughter who hates me…having my children passed around every two weeks between me and their fathers…having this disease that no one seems to realize is slowly KILLING me!!"

"I've been here for you, Alexis…" Jax tried.

"No, Jax. You've been here when it's convenient for you. You've been here when you take your lunch break from the job you so lovingly accepted as the follower of the almighty Carly."

The room was silent once more as all of her words sunk in. She regretted none of them, but had a pain in her heart still from being forced to speak them. She loved Jax. So very much…but his little bubble needed to be popped. She was just afraid that she'd spoken something that she'd never be able to live down…she was afraid that he'd leave her for good.

Jax stood. Her heart started pumping faster, and if possible, louder. He was leaving her. She couldn't call after him. She couldn't show weakness…not now.

He turned after he opened the door and focused on her eyes. She saw love. She was okay.

"I love you. If he hurts you…even a little bit. He's dead."

Ric saw him open the door and turn, thinking that he gave her one last line before he left. He stood, walking toward the hospital room. Jax stopped in his path and looked through him fiercely.

"I respect her wishes, but just know, if you hurt her…if you make her cry even one tear…if you make her experience one more ounce of sadness…you won't have to look over your shoulder for your brother or her nephew. You look straight ahead to me…standing there…waiting to kill you."

With that, Jax made his exit.

Ric didn't move. He stood fifteen feet from Alexis' room and looked through the door to her staring right back at him. He saw her beauty from even this far away and thought as he finally approached her, 'If I hurt her again…I'll be answering to myself'.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter Nine

"I just want to go home," Alexis informed him.

"Why are you doing this?" Ric questioned. The moment he entered the room, she became distant…

"I just want to go home. Kristina and Molly are probably back from Nikolas'."

"We need to talk about what just happened in here," Ric begged.

"I can't."

"You can't tell me that you think it was nothing…you can't…"

"I can't say anything, Ric. What's done is done. It was a…"

"Don't say it," he said quickly.

"…mistake." She finished and caught his eyes with hers. His face fell. She thought he would cry, "Ric…"

"Why are you doing this?" He asked once more, needing her to explain why she was pushing him away after…

"Stop…" She looked away, the tears forming.

"Tell me," he begged again, reaching for her hands.

"Because of THIS!!" She yelled, yanking her hands from his then moving her hands to her wig, pulling it off, showing him what no one else had seen. No one.

Ric breathed in sharply and looked over her face…to where her hair once was…where it was no longer…he placed one of his hands over his mouth as tears fell out of each of his eyes. Her tears matched his as she sat silently…heart hurting from his reaction.

He stared at her for another moment, then, to her surprise, he came closer, moving his hand to her cheek gently. She couldn't stop crying.

"What are you talking about?" He whispered, looking over her face.

"You don't want me like this…" she looked down and started to put her wig back on. He yanked it away and threw it on the floor.

"Ric!!" She watched it, and then looked at him, the tears still falling.

He took her face in his hands and made sure that she was looking into his eyes. Their tears still fell at the same time.

"You listen to me. This is going to be the first time I say this…in a long line of times that I say this. I'm going to tell you this every day…for the rest of our lives, Alexis. You…are…" he emphasized every word and it shook her heart, "the most…gorgeous woman…that I've ever seen. Bald…has nothin' on you, baby. You're beautiful. You're amazing. You're the most intelligent…gorgeous…strong woman, that I've ever met. You are…so loved."

Alexis let out a small sob and closed her eyes.

"Open your eyes," he whispered.

She obeyed, staring into his, as she managed her breathing.

"You are loved, by Kristina…by Molly…by me." His voice broke up as he spoke the word 'me'. She pressed her lips together to stop another sob from being released.

"I…love…you, Alexis Davis." Ric sat there, waiting for her.

After catching her breath, she brought her hands to his, took them off of her face, and placed them in his lap. She ran her right hand from his temple to his cheek, her thumb finally coming to rest at his lips as she moved it softly over them. Her eyes focused on his lips, and then finally moved up to his eyes.

"Ric…" she whispered, "I…I love you." She confirmed…to herself even, and met his lips softly with hers. After a small, loving, gentle kiss, he took her into his arms, holding her tight.

She leaned her lips to his ear and whispered softly, "Take me home, Ric. To 'our' home. To 'our' bed."


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter Ten

"Carly!! Open the damn door!! I know you're here!!" Sam screeched as she pounded her fists on Jax's apartment door.

Carly swung the door open quickly and looked annoyed at her intruder.

Sam's eyes widened as she saw the clothes, or lack thereof, that Carly wore, "Why are you…" Sam was about to ask why Carly was wearing her slinky black laced get-up, but then decided against it, "Never mind. We have to talk. Something's happened." Sam barged past the extremely agitated Carly and found her robe laying across the couch. She held it up to Carly.

The door shut and Carly took the robe from Sam, "What now?"

"It's my mother…and her…" Sam shuttered, "husband."

"Your mother?"

Sam smiled, "Alexis."

"Thank you. Don't act like she's anything to you in front of me."

Sam rolled her eyes.

"What is it?" Carly threw her robe on.

"They're back together."

Carly stood for a moment and soaked in the information. She shook her head three times and opened her mouth four…planning on saying something, then changing her mind. She couldn't speak.

"Yeah," Sam agreed with her sentiment, "What the hell are we going to do?"

"What!?" They heard from the door. Jax strolled in, breathing out a sigh of frustration as he kicked himself for not changing the locks. "What are you two doing here?"

Carly dropped the robe. Sam looked the other way.

"I was waiting for you." Carly smiled her toothy grin.

Jax threw his coat over the couch and headed toward his room. He needed to lie down after the beating that he had just received from his best friend.

"…and Sam?" He questioned, turning in the doorway to the hall.

"I'm just visiting for a minute. I'll be out of your way soon." She smiled at him.

He noted that something didn't feel right, "Okay, I'm going to bed. Carly, I'm not in the mood to deal…to talk with you tonight. Call me tomorrow. Let yourselves out." He turned and left them alone…or so they thought.

Carly turned immediately to Sam after he disappeared down the hall, "How the HELL are they back together? How could Alexis…forgive that piece of…I mean…he slept with you!!"

"Well…" Sam grinned to Carly.

Carly threw her hands up and plopped down on the couch, "Yeah, yeah…she 'thinks' he did. Hell, 'he' thinks he did. How you pulled that off, I'll never know."

"Drugs are a wonderful thing. Carly…" Sam sat across from her on the sofa, "You know that GH is open for all the public to stroll in and take their pick of whatever they want…change a few paternity tests…you get the jest of it."

"Okay…so. Whatever." Carly honestly didn't want to know what Sam stole to make Ric think….to make him see his wife instead of her daughter. Carly just wanted him to suffer. She honestly thought that Sonny or Jason would have killed him by now. She was still waiting.

"Carly." Sam brought her back to the present, "I can't deal with this. I did not lose precious time with Jason for NOTHING!" She yelled, lowering her voice when she remembered that Jax was home, "I did not have him cheat on me with…with…"

"Liz."

Sam made a face. "…her, for nothing."

Carly thought for a moment how she could punish Ric for everything he'd done to her.

Sam thought for a moment how she could punish Alexis for everything she'd done to her.

The two women looked to each other and light bulbs went off in their heads at the same time.

Carly grinned, "We just need a new victim."

Sam agreed, "We need a new victim. One that no one will allow to be hurt. One that will make Sonny…"

"Kill them both."

Carly smiled.

Sam smiled.

Jax didn't.

--

"Here we are. You okay?" Ric held his hand on her lower back as he led her gently into the house.

Alexis breathed in as she stepped down the steps. She looked around the room and found it dark and quiet…too quiet.

Nikolas rounded the corner with a sleeping Spencer in his arms. Alexis' smile brightened. She silently walked to the boy she thought of as her son and looked down to the little miracle in his arms.

Emily joined them, explaining to Alexis that the girls were down for the night. Alexis thanked them in a whisper and kissed all three good-bye. Ric…he simply stood out of the way and let them pass, noticing Nikolas tense when their eyes met, noticing the worried look that Emily gave Alexis when she saw him.

He didn't care. He'd be worried if they weren't so wary. He hurt Alexis. He'd pay for that forever, but he was here, in their house, and she wanted him here.

He was here, in their house, and soon he would be in their bed, with her. He'd wanted to make love to her for so long now, but he'd settle for simply holding her, breathing in the same air…touching her. He looked to her as the doors closed behind Emily and her eyes found his in the darkness.

They stood there, the moonlight coming in softly through the windows, for the longest time, simply reading each other, only seeing the soul in each other's eyes. Somehow, after a moment, she was standing close to him. Their faces were almost touching. He felt as if he were floating. She felt as if she were falling. His face moved lower and he asked permission with his eyes to kiss her. She nodded slowly, opening her mouth. He kissed her slowly, pouring his soul into her as their tongues danced, reintroducing themselves to each other. His hands wrapped around her waist. Hers were in his hair.

They pulled back and waited for their eyes to focus, their breathing to calm, and once again, locked eyes. They weren't touching. Ric felt cold, then, a warm hand took his. She held his hand to her heart and he felt it beating wildly.

"Ric," she whispered, "You broke this …"

He started to panic, and it showed.

She quickly continued.

"… but it still belongs you." She lowered his hand and after a moment, turned, pulling him alongside her as she led him to their bedroom.


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter Eleven

It wasn't different. He didn't expect it to be. It was amazing, as he knew it would be. Sex was never a problem for them. Making love was something that they'd always done perfectly. This time…was no different. There wasn't more love, because they hadn't lost any through all of this. There wasn't less passion…or more…just the same, and he wasn't complaining. She fell asleep on top of him soon after coming down. He lazily ran his hands through the wig that she insisted on wearing…then, felt stupid for running his fingers through something that wasn't her and moved his hands to her back, moving his fingers in small massaging circles. He could hear her happiness in the sigh she let out as she slept. He smiled. She'd slept in this position before, many times actually. He…once again…didn't complain. She felt lighter, much, much lighter and it frightened him. He knew that she was going through chemo and dealing with all of the effects of it, but he'd somehow managed to stay on the outside. He wasn't home with her every night. He didn't notice how much weight she'd actually lost. He hadn't been there, but he was now. He had to keep telling himself that. This seemed so surreal to him. He'd dreamed of this since…he winced…thinking about that night. He didn't remember much…hardly anything, but he remembered waking up, seeing Sam the floor, looking ugly…dirty. He felt dirty. He'd had to drink the rest of the second bottle to make the shame and utter confusion go away.

She shifted on top of him. He cursed his body's reaction. Her head moved. He opened his eyes, meeting hers as she lifted her head and placed her chin on his chest.

"You aren't asleep," she whispered.

He smiled, "I'm up."

She moved against him and looked back to him seductively, "That you are, Mr. Lansing."

Smiling softly with a mischievous smirk, he brought his hand and caressed her face, "You're gorgeous, Alexis. You're beauty astonishes me. You're…"

"Okay, okay…enough flattery…you'll get what you want." She silenced him with her lips as they began again.

--

"Kristina can't be hurt," Sam ordered Carly as they sat, drinking their wine.

"That's a given."

"So what's the plan?"

"Well, we…" Carly looked over as Jax entered the room. She suddenly stood and smiled her toothy smile.

Jax stood looking between the women, "If you don't mind, I'm going out for a while and I'd like you two to leave."

--

"My God Alexis…" Ric lay exhausted, Alexis' head resting on his shoulder.

She caught her breath, "Ready for more?" Her fingernails lightly scraped over his chest. She'd definitely missed him … this.

"We just …" Ric looked on her, amazed at her stamina.

"I've been alone, Ric, for months…" She lifted up and leaned to kiss him sweetly on the lips, "If you aren't strong enough …"

She gasped as he quickly pounced on her, laying her back on the bed, leaning over…smiling his smile that only she brought out. He took in her beauty for a minute. Her face was glowing, she was smiling…and he was the cause of it.

"What?" Alexis whispered, taken aback by the seriousness of his face, "Is something wrong?"

He shook his head quickly and ran his fingers down the side of her face. Alexis kept her eyes locked with his as she brought her fingers to run through his hair. "Ric?" she was feeling the tiniest bit of worry.

"Do you forgive me?" He questioned simply.

She didn't say anything. Her hand fell back to the bed. Their eyes remained locked.

"I've done so much to hurt you…since the beginning. Alexis, if we're going to do this, I need you to say it. I need you…"

"If we're going to do what?" Alexis interrupted, not wanting anything unclear.

"This…" he brought her hand to his heart, "You own my heart, too, Alexis. I'm sick of pulling away. I'm sick of pushing you away. I'm sick of you pushing…"

"No more pushing…no more pulling." Alexis leaned up and gave him the smallest kiss and sat up beside him, "We're both just going to be here…in this one spot. No more pushing…no more pulling," she said again to let him know how important this conversation was to her, "Ric…we're just going to live here in this one spot together…where you belong to me and I belong to you." She saw the tears forming in his eyes, but she had to get the next part out, "Listen, we're going to have secrets…you'll lie and I'll lie and…it's going to be hard, Ric, but that's marriage. I said, 'for better or worse'…" she looked away for a split second as she began to ramble, "well…I guess I said it in my head, because of course, our vows weren't traditional, but when we were married, I knew that we'd face a lot of obstacles and I vowed internally to stay with you and to fight for you and…"

"Alexis…hey…" Ric smiled as he interrupted her speech, "I promise you, from this day forward, that I will never leave you, and if you leave me, I'll find you, and bring you back home."

She returned his smile, "Ditto."

He laughed as they leaned in at the same time to come together once more.

--

"I need to see him," Jax ordered.

"I'm sorry, Mr. Jacks…he's on the phone. Leave a message with me and I'll give it to him immediately when he hangs up." Milo tried to be intimidating…it wasn't working as well as he'd hoped.

Jax heard Sonny in the living room. Glass breaking? "Sonny!?" Jax pushed Milo aside and flew open the living room doors. What he saw before him wasn't surprising. He'd heard of Sonny's temper…he warned Alexis about it…he was told the worst from Carly, but this was insanity. Glass was everywhere…the windows on the patio door were broken. Sonny sat in his chair amongst the rubble.

"Sonny?" Jax said quietly.

"What the hell do you want, Candyboy?" Sonny boomed.

"We need to talk…now."


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter Twelve

"Do you know how much I love you?" Ric watched her get dressed after her shower. He … still in bed, decided … when he saw her emerge from the bathroom…to take the day off. She had a doctor's appointment. She heard his question and looked to the dresser with pictures of their two girls. She took her wig off in front of him and set it on the dresser, finally turning to him.

"How much?" She stared into his eyes, pleading for something…

He stood, his nakedness not unnoticed to her.

"I love you more than words can express, Alexis Davis … Natasha Alexia Davidovich Cassadine … I love you with everything I am and you forgave me last night for everything I've done … so we're starting over. Right? We're together again?"

She smiled, tears forming in her eyes, "Put some clothes on."

Ric pouted, "Why?"

"I need my husband to accompany me for chemo." She turned quickly and walked out of the room, leaving him there stunned…happy that she called him her husband…not so happy about the chemo – but everything was okay now…he thought…they were together again…chemo would be nothing for them to conquer.

Or so he thought.

Ten hours later…

"Leave me ALONE, Ric!! Go away!!"

He wanted to cry…she was in more pain than HE could bear. He helped her get into bed…brought her anything she needed, but none of that mattered. She was hurting so badly that she had to scream at someone, and he'd take it.

As she calmed from leaning over the bed to vomit once more, he sat softly behind her and slowly rubbed small circles all over her back. She was breathing heavily…her body working itself up.

"I can't do this anymore," she cried as she slowly rolled over to him, bringing her blanket with her. He pulled her onto his lap and rocked her, promising her that everything would be okay.

"I'm here now, baby…nothing's going to happen, we'll beat this thing together."

She summoned all of her strength to look up to his face, "Ric?"

"Yes, my love?"

"I hated you for so long, but I loved you more. I've never stopped loving you. You have to know that if …"

"Hey," he stopped her mid-sentence, "None of that. Don't be ridiculous. You've survived more than cancer before in your life…you'll get through this, and I love you too, baby … don't speak, go to sleep."

She leaned into him, "You'll be here." Her eyes fluttered shut.

"Forever," he promised as she drifted to sleep in his arms.

--

"What, Jason?" Carly crossed her arms in his living room. Usually, she wouldn't mind being here at all…but his 'men' brought her hear quickly and without reason.

"What a way to treat your best friend."

"Okay, Jase. Hi. Your little uh…boys…weren't too gentle with me when they shoved me into your limo."

Jason sat down on the couch, "Sorry about that…look, I hear that you and Sam have something cookin' to get rid of Ric."

Carly's eyes widened and she slowly took a seat on the chair across from him, "I…we…uh…"

"It's okay Carly. I want in."

"You …"

"I want in … and I want him dead."

--

Jax slammed his cell phone shut as he drove home from the Metro-Court. Meeting with Sonny yesterday proved irrelevant. Sonny couldn't care less about his brother. In fact, he was pissed that Alexis had taken little bro back. Jax filled him in that Sam and Carly were up to something, and then left, trying unsuccessfully to get his older brother on the phone.

He dialed Sonny's number, "What?" Sonny answered ever so charming.

"Did you put any thought into what we talked about?"

"It's taken care of. Don't worry. Alexis won't be hurt."

Jax couldn't completely feel better about that, "What about Ric?"

No response.

"Sonny?"

Click.

Jax was worried. He didn't want to go to Alexis about this, but he obviously had no choice. He made a U-turn quickly and headed out to the lake house.


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter Thirteen

Ric watched her sleep for a few moments and then went in to check on the girls. Kristina was working in some math workbook and Molly was on the floor with her legos.

"Daddy Ric, look!!" Kristina showed him her completed sheet of writing her numbers, equation signs, and even a few addition/subtraction problems.

"Wow, Krissy, that's awesome!"

"She's a smart one," Viola chimed in from the lounge chair in the corner of the playroom, "I wanted to play a game with them, but Kris had other ideas," Viola pouted a bit in her novel.

"I like Math … love it really, and I want to learn more. Michael says that multiplication is hard, so I'm learning that next."

"Aren't you learning French too baby?" Ric smiled.

"Yeah…but Mommy hasn't been feeling well and…"

"That's right. Well, give it time, honey. You're Mama will be just fine. I'm very proud of you for doing homework on your own."

Kristina smiled and went back to work. It's not that she was nerdy…or even ultra gifted, but she had this overwhelming need to constantly please her mother. She didn't need attention or praise, but she wanted her mother to be proud of her. Ric made a mental note to tell Alexis to talk to her about that. Alexis would want to assure her that she's perfect the way she is and she doesn't need to work through her childhood just to please her.

Ric made his way on the floor with Molly, who smiled and lifted her arms, "Pay, Daddy."

Kristina giggled.

Viola laughed.

"Pay or p.l.a.y.?" He sounded out for the toddler.

"Play."

"Okay."

--

Alexis heard the banging on the front door first. She wrapped her blanket around her and padded to the door, hoping not to see a certain mobster or daughter there. Nope. Jax.

"Hi, we need to talk."

Alexis moved to the side so that he could walk past, "What? No hug? No kiss? No, 'Alexis, you look awful, would you like me to rub your feet?'?"

Jax turned in his hurry and smiled, finally letting out a breath. He noticed her appearance, "Are you okay?"

"I will be, what's wrong?"

"I love you, you know?"

She joined him on the couch, "I know, what do we need to talk about?"

"Hey," greeted Ric as he entered the living room.

"Hi, Ric. Sit down, this concerns you too."

Alexis watched Ric sit opposite them in the chair, sad that he didn't sit next to her. She must have been mean to him in her pain earlier.

Looking now to Jax, she noticed his fear…his hesitation.

"Jax, what is it?"

"Sam's up to something."

Alexis inhaled a sharp breath, "I figured…"

"You two had a fight?"

"Yes…"

"Okay…well, I went home and she and Carly were at my house…they were talking. I um…I don't know how to say this but…" He looked between the two, "I walked out of the room, but still listened in, and Sam said…well…Carly knew, too that…uh…"

"Spit it out Jasper!" Alexis urged.

"She didn't sleep with your husband. She didn't sleep with you, Ric." There. He said it. It was over. He waited.

Alexis processed this information…she turned to face Ric, who was staring in disbelief.

"How…"

Jax spoke up finally, "She mentioned something about getting something from the hospital…Ric, she drugged you."

"But I was there, angry…I…"

"You didn't sleep with her. Her words, Ric."

Alexis' heart began to pound. All of this for nothing…Sam…actually hated her this much to break up her marriage for nothing. She stood, facing Ric. He stood.

"I don't…know what to say," She started, "I'm sorry for …"

"No…no Lex, this isn't for you to apologize for. I thought I did…how could she…" he looked to Jax, who was staring to Alexis. He shrugged.

The three were there for a while, just dealing with this new enlightenment.

"They're up to something, guys. Sam and Carly. They mentioned something about getting a victim that would make Sonny want to kill both of you."

"Kristina," Alexis said aloud.

"I imagine so."

"What are they doing?"

"I would guess kidnapping…I don't know. They wouldn't hurt her."

Alexis stood quickly, "I have to call Sonny."

"I've already told him."

"You have?"

"I went over last night when I first heard…I called him back today and he said that he was dealing with it."

"Maybe that's why the guards doubled." Alexis staring outside now.

Ric grew concerned, "Jax, thank you for everything, but Alexis? You need to go get some rest now." She looked beaten down.

"I'm fine."

"You aren't fine."

"I'm sorry to come ruin everything, but…"

Ric interrupted Jax, "You didn't, thank you, Jax. I'll call Sonny…or Alexis will…we'll be okay."

"If you need anything, a plane…my house in Australia or Alaska or…"

"It's okay, we'll call you."

Alexis just sat dazed while the two said goodbye. Jax kissed her forehead and she didn't respond.

Ric followed Jax outside.

"Is she okay?"

She had chemo this afternoon…one of her last hopefully…and she's concerned of course now with Kristina and Sam…she's just never had a real break you know?"

Jax nodded, "You should take her somewhere. Go on a family vacation somewhere where even I don't even know where you are. Go relax."

"I'll call her doctor and see, but I doubt she can go anywhere now."

"Let me know."

Ric nodded and went back into the house to find Alexis almost asleep on the couch. He gathered her tiny body in his arms and brought her to their bed. After tucking her in, he lay beside her.

"I love you so much," he whispered.

"I love you, Ric," she responded as she curled herself into him.

They lay there for a moment and Ric quickly reached for his cell phone.

"Hey Viola."

"Where are you, Mr. Lansing?"

Ric chuckled, "I'm in the other room here, but I can't get up right now from Alexis. Keep the girls close, okay? Take them to find a bodyguard and ask him to stay with you guys, please…in the room with you wherever you go. We're going to take a nap."

"Is everything okay?" Viola became extremely worried.

Ric looked to Alexis who was cuddled up to him in peace. They would get through this just like they had everything else.

"It will be."


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter Fourteen

She was freezing. What she wouldn't give to have Ric's arms wrapped around her, supplying warmth for the both of them. He took the girls inside to their beds and she was left alone on the beach, freezing her butt off.

She looked around slowly at the water, the boats, the sandcastles Kristina made and the holes Molly dug. She looked at the line of beach houses and laughed at the sight of a couple walking their dog with huge coats on, as if in the snow instead of sand. Alexis had a jacket on, but missed him dearly sitting next to her. It was her own damn fault that he left with the girls; Kristina was shivering in her sleep. He told her to wait here on the beach for him…he wouldn't be long. That was ten minutes ago. She would give him five more and then she'd be inside. She looked back to the house. He'd told her about this house. About Martha's Vineyard and his experience here, but he never once brought her. Too many memories that he wanted to push away. She felt the same about Port Charles most of the time and she didn't care about the cancer. She needed a vacation.

Since they found out that Carly and Sam were up to something, they'd been hiding out at the one place that no one would come looking. Even Sonny sounded surprised that Ric would come back to the place where his father once lived. Sonny told Alexis that he was working on Carly and Sam. Alexis didn't know, but she didn't trust him completely. This was Carly for God's sake. Would Jason and Sonny both betray her?

She saw him walk down the steps and smiled a dazzling smile his way.

"My God, you're gorgeous."

She squinted in the dark, "You can't even see me."

"Your face, and body I might add, are etched in my mind. I could go years without setting eyes on you and still remember everything."

He finally made it back to his seat beside her. She snuggled in close to him and breathed his scent in.

"I love you, Ric Lansing." She met his eyes and he kissed her sweetly.

"I love you more, baby."

She smiled up to him and closed her eyes as he squeezed her closer.

"Why the hell are we here on the beach in the dead of winter?! Let's go to the Bahamas," Alexis finally pouted.

Ric laughed, "I opted for a beach where the sun would shine, but you demanded to come here."

"Yeah, for a couple of days, not the whole week."

Ric held her close and looked out to the water, "Okay, well I guess it's not a bad idea to change up our location every week or so."

"How long are we going to be gone?"

"However long you want. I was planning on waiting for word from Sonny or Jason."

Alexis bit her bottom lip as she closed her eyes, laying her head on his chest…thinking.

"What are you thinking?" Ric knew.

"Do you trust them?"

"Sonny and Jason?"

"Yes."

"I think we can…we do have Krissy with us. Sonny wouldn't hurt us with her around. He has no reason to hurt you…baby, just relax. This vacation, and it is a vacation, isn't about running away, it's about starting over. Once we get back, you have a wedding to plan."

Alexis' eyes danced, "Oh really? Who's might I ask?"

Ric smiled and ignored her. It didn't need to be discussed at the moment, but they both knew…of course they both knew. He changed the subject.

"Plus, I had a conversation with Jason."

Alexis leaned back, now more interested than ever, "Oh do tell." She smiled. Ric and Jason having a civilized conversation intrigued her beyond belief.

"Like you mentioned, I didn't trust them completely, but we talked at the coffee shop a day before we came here…and we agree that Sam needs to be stopped. He knows that Carly has gotten out of hand as well and is going to try to get her back into Shadybrook, but Sam messed both of our lives up …"

"Which was my fault."

Ric nearly jumped at her confession, "What?"

"I made her stay away from Jason … I deserved what she did."

"Oh, please tell me you don't believe that."

"Well, think about it. I was involved with Sonny…Jason was a friend of mine. I'm a Cassadine. My relatives make the mob associates in Port Charles look like two-year-olds. I was afraid for her safety and she blamed me for losing the love of her life."

"But you didn't deserve to have your marriage and ultimately your family broken to pieces."

Alexis remained quiet. He held her close. She didn't know anymore, "When I saw my firstborn in my arms, my beautiful baby girl, I knew that she'd amount to something. I knew that wherever she went…whoever was lucky enough to adopt her, would give her the world and she would grow up happy and healthy and loved. Ric. I messed up her life first." She sat up and shrugged the conversation off.

"Let's go inside, please. I don't want to get sick." Alexis began gathering up their towels and the girl's toys.

Ric stood and turned her to face him, "Look at me."

She obeyed.

His hands on her arms.

"How many times do I have to tell you this? You are a wonderful, beautiful, loving mother and you deserve to be loved more than anyone, Alexis. It is not your fault, the way she turned out. You tried your best with her, but she chose to be angry over forgiveness. She chose revenge. You might think that she's acting 'Cassadine'…no, baby, she's acting weak. She's…forgive me…pathetic and she doesn't deserve your love." Alexis began tearing up so Ric pulled her closer to him, "I'm not saying that one day she won't change, she might. I hope that you two can learn to love each other and forgive, but baby, you have Kristina and Molly and they will grow to love you more than any child has ever loved a parent." He pulled her back and lifted her face to his, "I'll make sure of it."

He leaned in to kiss her and she stood there completely lost in him. He always knew how to make her feel safe…loved…wanted. She could feel his want for her as they pressed together.

"Ric."

After the kiss, he had to take a moment to compose… "Hmm?" His eyes opened.

"Tell me you started a fire inside," she demanded.

"I started a fire inside."

She smiled and led him up the stairs. The walked in the deck door and she grinned at the fireplace roaring in front of her with blankets and pillows spread out before it. She looked up to him.

"You're psychic."

He grinned.

"I'm uh…horny?" He grinned as she laughed and made her squeal as he picked her up and brought her over to their area, shedding one piece of clothing slowly after another.

After everything was removed from both, Ric stepped forward and ran his fingers down her bare sides.

Eyes connected, he breathed in, and then spoke, "Alexis, I can't say how much I love you. It's impossible to find the words for it because I don't think they've been invented yet, but I love you. My heart is entirely yours and it will never, ever stray or be drugged…" she smiled, "again. I'm sorry for hurting you. I'm sorry for not demanding to stay with you throughout your cancer, but I'm here now. I'll be your slave boy for the rest of your life and I'll do anything you ask, just please…forgive me and promise me that you'll love me for the rest of my life."

Alexis didn't wipe the tears that were forming, "I love you too, baby." She moved her hand up to his hair, his cheeks, his neck, and finally his chest, "I believe you and love you and forgive you and I'm yours for eternity as well. I never want to be without you and I want you to go to sleep with me every single night and wake me up to make love to me every morning for the rest of our lives. I still have a lot to go with this cancer and I now know that I'll be able to make it because of you. You give me the strength that I need. You're the man that I've always wanted and needed, Ric, and…I just…" Alexis looked down but he quickly tipped her head back up to meet his.

"You're everything to me," Ric admitted before joining his lips with hers.


End file.
